We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize