WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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