I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
