i think my tv is drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
