Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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