Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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