And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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