halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
