Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
