I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
