Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
