Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
