So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
