So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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