i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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