I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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