I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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