last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
