I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
