So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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