if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize