I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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