She's JV to your varsity
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
