In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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