can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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