You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
