why didn't you poke me back
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
