I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize