I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
