dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
