i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
