Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
