I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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