He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
