my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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