tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
