I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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