why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
