just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
