somebody snuck up and got me drunk
do herpes really smell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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