If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
