Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
