I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
