ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
