Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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