they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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