bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
