you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Operation Purity has been aborted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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