I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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