Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize