Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
