Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
