im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
