Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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