You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
