I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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