you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
