u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
