I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize