bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
