ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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