Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
