I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
