wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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