How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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