The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
