I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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