I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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